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NDHunter
02-24-2014, 09:52 AM
I'm going a little off-topic today but hear me out.

What does a person really mean when they say "not to be rude..." or "no offense but..." or "don't take this personal..."? If I say "don't take this personal but your wife is really ugly", how is a guy supposed to take that? It's totally personal so why would I expect a guy NOT to take it personally? Or if I say "no offense but you really suck at your job and should be fired." Assuming the guy thought he was good at his job, wouldn't a guy naturally find that offensive? I guess people are trying not to be mean but if you're going to tell a person something negative, you might as well just say it and not hide behind one of the phrases I mentioned. One of my colleagues recently made a "not to be rude" type of statement. I just don't get it. Nobody ever says "don't take this personal but you did a great job today." I would assume nobody ever says that because it makes absolutely no sense at all and yet people will do it in a negative way.

Sorry fellas for my rant here. It's just something I've thought about for a while. Anybody care to chime in?

Umpqua Hunter
02-24-2014, 09:56 AM
Don't take this personal, but I think you make a good point :)

packmule
02-24-2014, 10:10 AM
With all due respect, it's just something a person says when they like to hear theirself talk bc they think their opinion matters, yet don't want to be toting a butt whoopin'.



For example: Don't take this the wrong way, but your (a general "your")sister is hawt! It's a compliment, yet people have been shot for less.

ivorytip
02-24-2014, 10:12 AM
im usualy undecisive but im not sure today..... i see your point

Musket Man
02-24-2014, 10:19 AM
With all due respect is a military term and the proper way to address certain situations. For example you would not just tell your superior officer "your an idiot", you would say "sir, with all due respect, you are an idiot".

And never under any circumstances talk about how hot anyone's sister is! lol

Fink
02-24-2014, 10:45 AM
"I said with all due respect!!!" ~Ricky Bobby

packmule
02-24-2014, 12:02 PM
And never under any circumstances talk about how hot anyone's sister is! lol

If they find issue with the comments they obviously took it the wrong way. They were warned not to take it that way!

wolftalonID
02-24-2014, 12:22 PM
If you follow your initial separation statement with "but", than you just contradicted that separation and mean exactly the opposite, as words have meaning and "but" is a reversal word.

So anyone that uses the word "but" has in a sense lied to you.

use the word "however" in its place to then properly present your perspective of thought, so to lay the meaning correctly. That shows you see their stand, and yours as separate points of view on the same topic.

Most of us don't understand the difference and also when we do, myself included, don't make the effort to speak correctly to avoid the offense....

lastly offenses are always taken......never given. Obscenities, and degrading remarks are given, never taken. Food for thought.

hardstalk
02-24-2014, 01:07 PM
"I said with all due respect!!!" ~Ricky Bobby

Classic!

Its simply a cock block for a rebuttal. I use these terms frequently on forums because everyone wants to argue about nothing. By using one of the above mentioned terms it leaves people twiddling their thumbs and trying to find a response without looking like an ass.

"In my opinion, and not to be rude or sound like a a-hole or argumentative by any means. I think that mathews bows look like waffles.."

Hard to respond to that without leaving me a spot to interfere and make ya look silly...

hardstalk
02-24-2014, 01:10 PM
Kinda like this one. 8287

Never in Doubt
02-24-2014, 01:22 PM
Some people think or pretend they are being helpful by trying to be honest. "No offense, but your wife has a bald spot". Or "wow, don't take this the wrong way, but that's a really small buck you shot". lol

There's a time and a place for honesty, but sometimes if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In other words, shut up.

Bitterroot Bulls
02-24-2014, 02:08 PM
There is room for those types of prefaces on internet forums. You use them when you are giving somebody "tough love" advice, and are genuinely trying to help.

For instance ... hypothetically speaking:

If someone came on the forum with a rant about a terrible experience you could reply with:

"Don't take this personally, but if you changed the tone of your posts you might get more helpful answers."

Now the preface lets the poster know your advice is not about THEM but rather about POSTS. Without the preface, the intent of the advise is muddied up by the personal nature of the statement.

It is no guarantee they will see the advise as you intended it, but they might indeed PERSONALLY be an apple-hole, and you can't do anything to help that.

Now if you are being a jerk, but are using it just to make yourself look less like a jerk ... then you're just being a bigger jerk.

Fink
02-24-2014, 06:23 PM
There is room for those types of prefaces on internet forums. You use them when you are giving somebody "tough love" advice, and are genuinely trying to help.

For instance ... hypothetically speaking:

If someone came on the forum with a rant about a terrible experience you could reply with:

"Don't take this personally, but if you changed the tone of your posts you might get more helpful answers."

Now the preface lets the poster know your advice is not about THEM but rather about POSTS. Without the preface, the intent of the advise is muddied up by the personal nature of the statement.

It is no guarantee they will see the advise as you intended it, but they might indeed PERSONALLY be an apple-hole, and you can't do anything to help that.

Now if you are being a jerk, but are using it just to make yourself look less like a jerk ... then you're just being a bigger jerk.

Hypothetically speaking, this post makes me LOL.

NDHunter
02-24-2014, 06:27 PM
Now if you are being a jerk, but are using it just to make yourself look less like a jerk ... then you're just being a bigger jerk.

Well said. I think that's part of what I was thinking too.

Musket Man
02-24-2014, 06:34 PM
If they find issue with the comments they obviously took it the wrong way. They were warned not to take it that way!

LOL! I say stiff like that to my girlfriends brother all the time just to watch him look all confused while he is trying to think of a comeback! Doesnt mean I would recommend anyone else try it.

HuskyMusky
02-25-2014, 08:34 PM
I think it's one of those "constructive criticism" things... which of course we know some people can handle and appreciate, and others get fuming mad and insulted.

If you don't take constructive criticism well I'd interject and say "stop right there..."

tdcour
02-25-2014, 08:46 PM
This sounds a little like the "bless your heart" thing my wife and most of the south says... I personally think that its just trying to find a nice way to say something not so good. I don't use the saying, but have heard it numerous times and I think there are times when the saying may fit like... I know you drive a ____ (insert vehicle manufacturer), and no offense, but I don't like their engines. If you are talking about someone, then that is a different deal in my opinion.

packmule
02-25-2014, 08:51 PM
This sounds a little like the "bless your heart" thing my wife and most of the south says....

That's the worst cut-down there is in the South! :D

Ikeepitcold
02-26-2014, 12:05 AM
"I said with all due respect!!!" ~Ricky Bobby

Hahahhahahha

Ikeepitcold
02-26-2014, 12:10 AM
I'm going a little off-topic today but hear me out.

What does a person really mean when they say "not to be rude..." or "no offense but..." or "don't take this personal..."? If I say "don't take this personal but your wife is really ugly", how is a guy supposed to take that? It's totally personal so why would I expect a guy NOT to take it personally? Or if I say "no offense but you really suck at your job and should be fired." Assuming the guy thought he was good at his job, wouldn't a guy naturally find that offensive? I guess people are trying not to be mean but if you're going to tell a person something negative, you might as well just say it and not hide behind one of the phrases I mentioned. One of my colleagues recently made a "not to be rude" type of statement. I just don't get it. Nobody ever says "don't take this personal but you did a great job today." I would assume nobody ever says that because it makes absolutely no sense at all and yet people will do it in a negative way.

Sorry fellas for my rant here. It's just something I've thought about for a while. Anybody care to chime in?


I think you answered yourself. But don't take that the wrong way.

Kevin Root
03-02-2014, 05:19 PM
I think we all want to be given respect and dignity and rightly so. Where things get out of hand is when they turn into more of an attack on a person and such instead of how how we might criticize their actions. How they perhaps poorly worded something or by how we give a person some tough love in truth when it's due. We have a lot of pressure in our society saying to be tolerant and to just hold our tongue if we can't say something nice. I think watching our tongue and what we say is wise but I think we also have way to much tolerance in our society these days and we need perhaps more of that tough love in truth that can hopefully benefit others. In the end, one has to work on their own stuff, we can't do it for them. We all are a work in progress here.

I'm hoping we have a place where if someone asks a question or comment we can feel free to give our thoughts on it, respectfully. This forum sure feels at times like we are all sitting around the campfire talking about hunting stories, hunting tactics, hunting topics in general which is one of the reasons I keep coming back here.

It's a rainy day today out my way and I'm reading reading a good and inspirational hunting book on backcountry hunting. I saw a fitting quote in a section about commitment, drive, passion and desire. I thought it spoke some wise words.

The Essence of Destiny
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Choose your words, for they become actions.
Understand your actions, for they become your habits.
Study your habits, for they become your character.
Develop your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Author Unknown